


Even If I Say Those Three Words, You Can't Hear Them Anymore

by Galexyi



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galexyi/pseuds/Galexyi
Summary: Even if Bang Chan couldn’t find the words to tell Hyunjin, his actions never betrayed his heart. In the end, it was cruel fate that betrayed him.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	Even If I Say Those Three Words, You Can't Hear Them Anymore

Bang Chan could hear Jisung’s voice before he even finished unlocking the door. “Chan-hyung is back!”  
  
It came as no surprise that Felix was the first to greet him, wrapping his arms around Bang Chan tightly. “Hyung, welcome back!” The younger chirped enthusiastically. Jisung was right behind Felix, placing his arms around both Bang Chan and Felix. Bang Chan leaned into their warm embrace. Truly, he missed this.  
  
“Welcome home, hyung. We missed you,” Jeongin added in, poking his head around the corner to peek at them.  
  
“Thank you. I’m glad to be home.” Bang Chan allowed the group hug to drag on for another minute or so before pulling away from Felix and Jisung with an affectionate pat to both of each male’s head. He enjoyed the group hugs they always shared and loved how open his group members were in their affection towards him and each other but he was also extremely worn-out after a long flight and eager to take a look around their new apartment before turning in early for the night.  
  
Constantly travelling and moving from country to country and city to city, never taking root in a single location for long can be tiring and mentally taxing but it was something Bang Chan had gotten used to over time. Besides, he had learnt a long time ago that regardless of the country, city or apartment that they lived in, home was where the eight of them were together.  
  
Perhaps one day when all of them had decided to retire from the criminal lifestyle, they could all find somewhere to settle down more permanently. But for now, in order to evade the law, they had to always be on the move.  
  
They always split off into smaller groups when travelling to their new meeting point and apartment but this time around, Bang Chan had opted to travel alone and meet their newest client before joining the rest of his group.  
  
Despite the heavy luggage that Bang Chan was carrying, Felix and Jisung had no qualms about clinging onto one of each of his arms as he made his way into the apartment. Thankfully, a few of the other members came to give him a hand, taking his luggage from him. It wasn’t done without complaints, Minho and Changbin loudly whining about how heavy his suitcases were.  
  
“Perhaps I should have left your gifts in New York then?” Bang Chan teased and the complaints eased off, not that he really minded them in the first place.  
  
Jisung and Felix dragged him over to the couch where a movie was playing on the large television screen. Bags of snacks and random blankets were strewn around the couch. It seemed that he had returned right in the middle of their movie night.  
  
Seungmin was sitting on the end of the couch and offered Bang Chan a small smile. “I hope you had a nice flight, Chan-hyung.”  
  
“It was okay.”  
  
Beneath a fringe of messy jet-black hair, dark eyes lit up as they met his. Plump lips curled into a bright smile as Hyunjin gazed up at him. “Hello, hyung.”  
  
Bang Chan was home. 

* * *

When Bang Chan is at work, no one is allowed to interrupt him. That was the unwritten rule of the group.  
  
He hadn’t even heard the door open or the sound of approaching footsteps, didn’t notice the other’s presence in the room, too caught up in the plans that he was furiously typing out on his laptop. A hand reached out to cover his eyes and Bang Chan startled.  
  
He should have felt surprised but instead, anger rose in him instantly, furious at the interruption of his work. He didn’t know what he would have done next. Perhaps he would have ended up raising his voice or saying something he would most definitely regret and have to apologise for. Thankfully, it never came to that, his anger immediately dissipated in the next moment.  
  
Soft plump lips brushed against his ear and Bang Chan tensed.  
  
“Hyung… guess who?” The soft and sultry whisper sent an involuntary shiver down Bang Chan’s spine.  
  
Was it really necessary for Bang Chan to make a guess when the answer was as obvious as day? Even if the intoxicating natural scent from the other wasn’t a dead giveaway, there was only one person who dared to saunter into his room while he was in the middle of working and expected to get away with it.  
  
Not even Minho and Changbin would venture into the lion’s den but yet a little lamb had wandered in.  
  
“Jin… Jinnie…” Bang Chan managed to choke out.  
  
The answering laughter was endearing. A helpless smile formed on Bang Chan’s lips in response and froze as Hyunjin slid into his lap. Bang Chan’s hands instinctively wrapped around Hyunjin’s waist to prevent the other from sliding off.  
  
“How’re the plans coming along?”  
  
“G…good.” It was difficult to think straight. “You shouldn’t be here, Jinnie.”  
  
Bang Chan was never into the habit of disclosing information to the members before their mission briefings. Not even to Minho who was basically his right-hand man.  
  
“I shouldn’t,” Hyunjin agreed easily but made no move to get off Bang Chan’s lap. Instead, the laptop lost his attention and Hyunjin turned back to fix his gaze on Bang Chan.  
  
Two hands reached out to cup his face, thumbs caressing the heavy eye bags beneath Bang Chan’s eyes. “You look so tired, hyung.”  
  
“I’m almost done with the plans. I’ll sleep after,” Bang Chan promised. His fingers found their way into Hyunjin’s hair, twisting and tugging lightly at the long, golden strands. “Your roots are starting to show.”  
  
“I’ll need to fix it.” Hyunjin’s long exhale tugged at Bang Chan’s chest. “Will you help me redye my roots?”  
  
“Are you going to keep your hair blond?”  
  
“Yes. I think it suits me well. What do you think, hyung?” Wide eyes peered into his, anxiously awaiting his opinion.  
  
Bang Chan couldn’t keep the soft smile off his face. “Of course. You look beautiful with your blond hair. Truly like a prince… My little prince.” The last phrase slipped out before he could stop himself. Drunk on the other’s presence, he had already lost control of all inhibition.  
  
The bashful expression, the wide curve of those plump lips and the scarlet flush on the other’s cheeks took away whatever embarrassment Bang Chan would have felt.  
  
“Hyung, you’ll have to help me then.”  
  
“Should I really? I don’t think the others have forgiven me for allowing you to dye your hair when I refused them so many times.”  
  
“You didn’t even let me dye my hair a lighter shade of brown, hyung! And you allowed Hyunjin to dye his hair blond? Blond! What happened to worrying about us getting caught with conspicuous hair colours during our missions?” Hyunjin raised the pitch of his voice in a poor imitation of an angry Minho.  
  
Bang Chan just laughed.  
  
“But…” Hyunjin leaned in. Close, impossibly close. “…what to do? He’s just not me.”  
  
Bang Chan didn’t feel much like a lion anymore.

* * *

The sound of heavy footsteps and their heavy breathing was all Bang Chan could hear. The lack of light made it impossible for him to make out Hyunjin’s features but he couldn’t be more aware of the other’s presence in the cramped space of the closet they were hiding in.  
  
Their foreheads were pressed together, warm breaths brushing against each other’s skin as they struggled to muffle the sound of their panting. Hyunjin’s hand was resting on Bang Chan’s thigh, the warmth from the other seeping through even the thick denim of his jeans.  
  
Deeply inhaling to take in more oxygen into his lungs only led to him breathing in more of Hyunjin’s intoxicating scent as Bang Chan tried desperately to calm his pounding heart. It was stifling, his chest hurt from how tight it felt.  
  
The footsteps grew closer and the hand that was resting on Bang Chan’s thigh grabbed at him, tightening around his flesh. Hyunjin’s scent grew in intensity as his warmth drew closer to Bang Chan. Wisps of soft hair brushed against his face, tracing across his jaw and his lips. The invisible fist around Bang Chan’s chest squeezed hard.  
  
He wasn’t sure how he managed to remain standing when his limbs felt weak, completely devoid of strength but somehow he pulled through and the sound of footsteps receded.  
  
Hyunjin sighed in relief and the sound had Bang Chan digging his fingers into the palm of his hands.  
  
He needed air. Fresh air that wasn’t filled with the scent of his desperation.  
  
But not enough time had passed. It wasn’t safe to reveal themselves yet.  
  
Torturous moments passed and Hyunjin shifted. Soft lips brushed against his own. “Sorry.”  
  
His lips were stinging from the brief contact and white static filled his head. Bang Chan licked at it, tasting the salt of his own sweat.  
  
Perhaps Bang Chan would have believed Hyunjin’s whispered apology if the other had placed even the slightest bit of sincerity into it.

* * *

Their steps matched perfectly, their movements in perfect accordance with the gentle flowing rhythm as they glided across the dance floor.  
  
Bang Chan wondered if Hyunjin could feel the dampness on his palms.  
  
It was easy to be absorbed in the music and let his body take the lead as he lost himself in Hyunjin’s eyes. There was a reason why it was bad to be lost in Hyunjin’s eyes, especially right this moment but Bang Chan couldn’t remember. He could only remember Hyunjin.  
  
So hypnotising. So beautiful. So breath-taking.  
  
Blond hair tied up in a ponytail, secured with a black silk ribbon. Tendrils of hair framing delicate features and an exquisite jawline. A fitting tuxedo that showed off every single line and curve of the other’s body.  
  
The cherry on top? The tasteful eye makeup that accentuated the intensity of those dark eyes and the touch of lip gloss that made those plump lips glisten wetly.  
  
Those lips parted and closed, a small frown making its way between Hyunjin’s brows. Who dared make Hyunjin upset?  
  
“…yung? Hyung? Chan-hyung?” Bang Chan blinked up at Hyunjin dazedly.  
  
“Are you okay, hyung?” The frown had deepened.  
  
A voice sounded in their ears and only Bang Chan’s years of criminal experience kept him from jumping. “Bang Christopher Chan!” Seungmin sounded very, very annoyed even through the communication headsets that they were wearing.  
  
Across from him, a small smile drew Bang Chan’s attention back to those plump lips. “Seungmin has been trying to get your attention for a while now, hyung.”  
  
At Bang Chan’s lack of response, the frown returned. “Hyung?”  
  
“I think you broke him, Hyunjin.”  
  
“I didn’t do anything!” Hyunjin hissed.  
  
“Don’t act innocent with me, Hwang Hyunjin. You know exactly what you are doing! Don’t play coy with me. I’m not Chan-hyung, I won’t fall for it.”  
  
A playful giggle but no denial.  
  
“Fix this! We’re in the middle of a mission right now!”  
  
Hyunjin let out a heavy exhale before he leaned in towards Bang Chan. Hot breath tickled Bang Chan’s ears as the very devil whispered into his ears. “Hyung, if we can wrap up this mission in the next fifteen minutes…”  
  
The dazed expression left Bang Chan’s face as he took in a few deep breaths to gather his composure. Hyunjin was laughing softly as he pulled away from the other.  
  
“Hwang Hyunjin! You do remember that I can hear every word that you say, right?”  
  
“Oops, Minnie.”  
  
The target was secured under fifteen minutes.

* * *

The silence was suffocating.  
  
Seungmin and Jeongin had quickly rushed out of the van, mumbling about a need for fresh air. For individuals whose jobs revolved around lies and deceit, the two younger members were terrible at lying. They could have at least come up with a better excuse.  
  
Changbin studied Bang Chan’s stony expression and wished that he could have left the van with the others. Nothing short of his injured leg would have stopped him from escaping Bang Chan’s fury.  
  
The monitors were blank and quiet. There was no longer any evidence of the scene that played on those screens just mere minutes ago.  
  
Ripped pieces of paper littered the floor, like pieces of a heart shattered and scattered.  
  
Bang Chan’s hands were still curled into fists, his eyes trained onto the screens of the monitors as though if he stared hard enough, they would play a scene different from the one they bore witness to earlier.  
  
Changbin laughed nervously as he subtly shifted away from his leader. An injured leg made escaping danger more difficult.  
  
“Hyung… You shouldn’t think too much of it. You know that Hyunjin was just doing that to help Jisung out.” A single drop of water just wasn’t sufficient to put out a large bush fire.  
  
The tension didn’t leave Bang Chan as he got up from his seat. Changbin flinched at the loud noises made by the other with every movement. He never knew that a person could be that loud just getting up from a chair and stalking over to the door of the van.  
  
The door of the van slammed shut, the van quaking in its wake. Changbin let out a sigh of relief, glad to be away from the brewing storm.

* * *

He was lying in his bed with the lights switched off, pretending to sleep.  
  
The door creaked open before closing quietly. A voice cut through the darkness.  
  
“Hyung, are you asleep?” A pause before a weight settled on the end of his bed.  
  
Bang Chan didn’t move an inch, just continued squeezing his eyes close and hoping that the other would go away. Of course, things usually never went the way he wished they did.  
  
“I guess you really are asleep. You must have been exhausted after today’s mission. It’s all thanks to the plan you came up with that everything was able to be carried out smoothly.” Fingers carded through his hair with the utmost gentleness. Bang Chan wondered what expression he would find on Hyunjin’s face if he opened his eyes.  
  
“Hyung... you know that it didn’t mean anything to me, right? Binnie-hyung told me that you got really angry.” The fingers had trailed down to his face and were tracing his features with a feather-like touch, almost as though Hyunjin was afraid to exert force and break him. It took every bit of Bang Chan’s willpower to not shiver under that touch.  
  
“I only flirted with that guy to distract him from Jisung so that he could carry out the plan. He wasn’t even my type. The entire time while I was kissing him, I was thinking of you, hyung.” Bang Chan’s heart gave a painful thump.  
  
“If you weren’t asleep right now...” A contemplative pause as Hyunjin traced his bottom lip, a slow and sensual swipe of the thumb.  
  
The touch withdrew and the weight lifted off his bed. His bedroom door creaked open.  
  
“Hyung, you know… you’re not very good at feigning sleep.” Leaving behind the whirlwind of emotions that he had managed to stir within Bang Chan, Hyunjin left the room, closing the door firmly behind him.  
  
Bang Chan didn’t sleep a wink that night.

* * *

Bang Chan tossed back the shot of soju, feeling the fiery trail of the liquid as it went down his throat and a warmth settled within his torso. Across from him, Minho mimicked his actions, tossing down his own shot of soju. Jazz music filled the silence between them, accompanied by the clinks of their shot glasses.  
  
“So when are you going to confess to Hyunjin?”  
  
Bang Chan promptly choked, coughing violently. Minho didn’t seem the least bit surprised, merely reaching out to give his leader a light pat on the back.  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
Minho scoffed, rolling his eyes at the older. “Please, hyung. Don’t act as though we haven’t seen the way you and Hyunjin flirt blatantly in front of us. We must be blind to not see what’s going on between the two of you.”  
  
“We… don’t flirt.”  
  
“Right…. So why were you playing footsie under the table with Hyunjin yesterday at dinner then?”  
  
“You… you saw that?” Bang Chan’s cheeks, already flushed from the soju, turned a deeper shade of crimson.  
  
“Unfortunately. I’m also pretty sure I’m not the only one who caught on.”  
  
“It was Hyunjin. I didn’t do anything.”  
  
A long, suffering sigh. “Exactly. You didn’t do anything.”  
  
“How can I be blamed for not doing anything?”  
  
“Every time Hyunjin flirts with you, you don’t stop him.” Minho fixed him with a stern gaze. “Hyung, how do you feel about Hyunjin?”  
  
How did he feel about Hyunjin? Bang Chan watched as a water droplet raced its way down the side of the shot glass.  
  
“You’re always so strict with everyone because you worry so much about us. Yet, you give into Hyunjin every time and you let him do whatever he wants.” Everything that Minho was saying, Bang Chan had already known deep down inside his heart. “Why is that so, hyung?”  
  
Bang Chan couldn’t say the answer out loud, the words stuck in his throat.  
  
Instead what he said was, “Hyunjin’s probably just fooling around.”  
  
Minho’s hand met the tabletop hard with a loud smack, uncaring of all the attention that his action had drawn. “You think Hyunjin is fooling around? Do you think Hyunjin plays footsie under the table with the rest of us? Do you think Hyunjin would “accidentally” brush his lips against anyone else’s lips? Do you think Hyunjin actually-“  
  
“Drop it.” The stark tone of finality in Bang Chan’s voice ceased Minho’s words.  
  
A look of pure and utter frustration crossed Minho’s features as he attempted to calm himself down, tried to shove back all the words he wanted to say.  
  
But he wasn’t Bang Chan and all the words spilt over in the end.  
  
“Then when are you going to want to talk about this? How long are you going to make Hyunjin suffer?” Minho gripped him by the shoulders roughly, forcing Bang Chan to meet his eyes. “Jisung said that Hyunjin was cruel for always teasing and flirting with you. But aren’t you equally as cruel? Despite knowing how Hyunjin about for you, you have never rejected nor accepted his feelings, letting him continue to pine for you.”  
  
Minho must have seen the anguish in his eyes, for he released his grip on Bang Chan and looked away.  
  
“You love him.” It was a statement, not a question.  
  
Bang Chan didn’t deny it. There was no point in doing so.  
  
“Then tell him, hyung.” Minho’s eyes were almost pleading. “What are you waiting for, hyung?”

* * *

Fate waits for no one.

* * *

Death stared Bang Chan straight in the eyes, looked down at him in disdain and laughed mockingly in his face.  
  
His arms were around Jeongin and he was lifting the other from the ground when he heard the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked. Overwhelmed with concern for their youngest member, he had let his guard down. It would be his downfall.  
  
There was nowhere to hide in the middle of the warehouse and no way to run with Jeongin’s full weight leaning on him. The muzzle of the gun was pointed straight at his head and a finger was already resting on the trigger.  
  
At least everyone else would be far away by now. They will be safe. They had to be safe.  
  
His gaze was captured by the gun, unable to look away from death. It wouldn’t hurt less even if he took his eyes away from it.  
  
He wasn’t ready to die here. There were still so many things he hadn't done, so many words he hadn't said.  
  
A flash of blond out of the corner of his eyes and the blood within his veins froze. Bang Chan caught a glimpse of dark wide eyes as they took in the situation, widening in terror.

Not everyone was far away. Not everyone was safe.  
  
Hyunjin had always excelled at hiding his emotions but right now, his emotions were written all over his face. Bang Chan could see the very moment in which Hyunjin came to a decision. Hyunjin barely even hesitated.  
  
Bang Chan always thought he knew what fear felt like. But in that instance, he realised that he had never really felt the true crushing weight of fear.  
  
Bang Chan opened his mouth.  
  
_Don’t!_  
_Hide!_  
_Run away!_  
_Please be safe._  
_I love you._  
  
Hyunjin ran out, putting himself in full view of their assailant. Bang Chan didn’t manage a single word, could only watch on in horror.  
  
The position of the gun was adjusted by its wielder, the target changed. A finger lifted and the answering sound of a bullet being fired.  
  
Bang Chan’s world shattered into red hues.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/galexyii)


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